I’ll just come out and say it. No shame here at all. I play Pokémon Go.
Why? Well there is something satisfying about catching a Pokémon in the so-called wild. Wild is not really the word… environment. Yeah, that covers the gambit of areas.
My favorite part of the game is actually hatching eggs. To hatch an egg the player has to walk and appropriate distance and then BAM the egg hatches. Oh yeah, you need an incubator as well to digitally simulate the warm rump of a Pokémon. I actually do not know what Pokémon do with their eggs in the wild, but hey it is really not all that important at least for this conversation.
Hey, which came first the Pokémon or the egg? Never mind.
Some additional aspects of the mobile game are to level your Pokémon up with “stardust” and “candy” and to evolve them with just “candy.”
Based on other games I have played, it totally makes sense that “stardust” would make a Pokémon more powerful. However, the “candy” has me baffled.
Why “candy” and where do the Pokémon get it in such plentiful amounts? All right. Maybe I am being a little ridiculous about this. It is a game after all and that means the game can have any rules it wants.
Ah the hell with it. Everyone is thinking it.
It takes an ample amount of “candy” to evolve a Pokémon right? To evolve a Magikarp into Gyarados it takes 400 “candy”. Dang, that is a lot of “candy.” I once ate a pound of gummy worms in one day and that ruined me. Gummy worms went in and then over the course of a day or so they all came out the same way. Not looking the same mind you.
Anyway, if I were to say that the whole “candy” thing makes sense I just can’t reconcile one thing.
If the Pokémon are consuming unnatural amounts of “candy” to power up and evolve, why don’t they have more cavities? I have played the game for a while now and all of my Pokémon have perfect teeth. Some don’t have teeth, but for the ones that do it’s nothing short of a miracle.
It really just baffles me. This is just like a 3-hour movie, where no one uses the bathroom once. Sure we assume they go at some point in time, but it is as if they are exempt from the laws of nature.
Do I want the Pokémon under my care to have cavities? Do I want to subject them to the rigors of going to the dentist for regular cleanings? The clear answer is a clear emphatic “no.”
So bravo Niantic, Inc. for creating a virtual world where funny little Pokémon can not only fight amongst themselves to gain their trainers prestige, but to never ever be plagued by cavities.
CANDY FOR ALL!