I have decided to write about something that is very close to me. I have actually wanted to write about this for some time, but was worried that it might be too soon. Well for no particular reason I felt like today of all days is a great magnanimous day to put these thoughts down for you.

I said the topic is something that is close to me. Naturally, if I had read that I would think it meant my heart. However, the topic really couldn’t be farther from my heart. The topic is actually near my foot or at times (so sad) under foot.

I walk my dog Isaac twice a day. He has a lot of energy and he needs to let loose and explore to burn it off. So a twice a day outing does the job. The route we take each day is pretty standard. There is some deviation depending on the weather, people, cats, squirrels, or other dogs. For the most part it remains the same.

I live close to a school and it has large expanses of grass all around it, which is ideal for the big dog. Tons of bushes and trees to sniff/pee on and an infinite number of places to go number 2. Don’t worry I clean up after him and dispose of the deuce in the trash. I am not about leaving land mines for unsuspecting students. That is just wrong.

On our morning excursions the lawns in front of the school always have a light sprinkling of dew, which soaks Isaacs paws and his under belly. He does not seem to mind though. He zig zags from spot to spot, dines on choice areas grass, and eventually makes his way to the bushes to rub his scent on. The minute we make are way to the bushes I am immediately on alert. Ironically enough, there is no danger to Isaac or myself. He and I are actually the dangerous ones with our combined weight of 285 lbs. So what are we a danger too?

FREAKING SNAILS!

To be honest I have never had that much love for snails. They are slimy, move slowly, and have waged war on my mother’s garden for years. It is a terrible war with many casualties on both sides. However, I started thinking differently about my feelings for the little guys when I first accidently crushed one under foot. All I heard was the tiny little pop. What I felt was instant regret. What a way to go. Crushed by a New Balance sneaker.

Since that time I have made it my mission to not end the life of another snail by way of foot (left or right). Unfortunately the task has proven to be very difficult. Those mornings with the dew covered lawns attract snails from miles around. It is kind of like a pilgrimage to a sacred place where there are thousands of people. Although there is no danger of being crushed by a massive foot.

This is just a small block of grass that contains 9 snails. Multiply the number of snails by 10 and that is the number I have to a try and avoid as Isaac marches around with reckless abandon. I am really not exaggerating either. I have never seen so many snails in my entire life. It is flabbergasting.

The weird thing is that there are no snails to be seen when I walk Isaac in the same areas for his afternoon walk. It is like they vanish into thin air. On multiple occasions I have tried to persuade Isaac to use his superior sense of smell to locate said earth dwellers, but it was not his idea of a good time.

Left to my own devices (EEEEK!) I came up with a valid reason of why the snails disappear. My wife watches this show “Medium.” The main character Allison DuBois has the uncanny ability see and speak with the dead, see peoples memories or things they have done in the past, and dream about the possible future. It is my theory that I possess some of those abilities as well. The snails Isaac and I encounter everyday are actually the ghosts of past snails that have met their doom by foot, poison, lawn mower, hungry crow, the possibilities are really endless.

I believe that these snails are contacting me so I can help them fulfill the things left undone in this world so they can pass over to the spiritual world. To my dismay I just seem to be adding to their numbers, because mixed in with the ghost are living snails. What a colossal debacle this is. Plus, Isaac has no regard for the snails. He has done his fair amount of snail squashing.

Despite my set backs and my inability to communicate in the native language of the snails, I will persevere and see these snail souls to the other side.

So when you are walking on a dew covered lawn remember to “look out bellow.” You may just save the life of a snail.