poopfish

I have been in kind of a rut with authors for the last few years. I am a bit of a picky reader when it comes to writing style. I am not saying that I read the cream of the crop. On the contrary, some people may think the authors I like are sub par. The point is that I have finally found an author that makes me want to read almost anything they have written. The author’s name is Timothy Zhan and he writes Star Wars novels. Nerd Alert!

Maybe I should have started off with the books I tend to gravitate towards are sci fi fantasy books. In the case of Timothy Zhan and Star Wars, two great things came together and created the perfect storm. His books continue the story of Luke Skywalker, Chewie, Han Solo, and Leia Organa Solo. I am currently in the middle of a trilogy. One part for the story line is about Luke and Leia developing their Jedi skills and control of the Force. “The Force is a binding, metaphysical and ubiquitous power in the fictional universe of the Star Wars galaxy.” ( Source WikiPedia) Wow is that a mouth full.

As a kid I wanted to be a Jedi master after I had the pleasure of viewing Star Wars: A New Hope. But alas, as I grew up I new that wielding a light saber was not the path I was going to follow. Instead I became a graphic designer and subsequently created a blog called “Poop Fish.” In short, I live my Jedi fantasy by reading Timothy Zahn books before I go to bed. Yes, I do understand that the movies and the books are fictional. And of course it would be impossible to become a real Jedi…right?

Hmm…maybe not.

As I was driving to work the other day I was listening the soothing sounds of Phil Collins. Specifically, the song I was listening to was Invisible Touch, from the Genesis album titled Invisible Touch. During those few minutes musical enjoyment a revelation leapt to the forefront of my brain. Phil Collins was actually singing about the Force, or a beautiful woman using the ways of the Force on him. Check out the lyrics from the refrain.

“She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
She reaches in, and grabs right hold of your heart
She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
It takes control and slowly tears you apart”

The lyrics clearly indicate that poor Phil feels like his heart is being grabbed even though she is not touching him. EEEEK! This is a classic move of Darth Vader (Luke Skywalker’s father and enemy of the rebel alliance). He raises his hand, brings his index finger and thumb together in a crushing jester, and the person on the receiving end is choked to death. Vader doesn’t even touch him. It may be a long shot, but I am going to say that this woman Phil is singing about is in league with the dark side of the Force.

Phil Collins song, Invisible Touch, is not the only song that mentions the use of the Force. There are many songs that have lines like “I get so weak in the knees…,” “When I’m around you I can’t breathe…,” and “I know what’s on your mind…” It seems clear to me that singers have a connection to the Dark Jedi. I wonder if anyone every mad a song about Darth Vader? I will have to look that one up later.

Ok, so it is established that there are Dark Jedi and there are songs that subtly let us know they are around. GREAT! Not really. Where are all the good Jedi? I searched high and then I searched low and then came to realization there was only one place I could go to find the good Jedi. It is the most reliable source of information I have ever found. It has never failed me once. I went to the web! (I am totally kidding)

No, I really did go to the web. I found out there are a substantial amount of web sites dedicated to the Jediism. The sites where not made as a spoof. The people behind them are very serious about the Jediism being a real religion. If you are interested in seeing what they are all about here is a link to one I read through.

http://www.templeofthejediorder.org/

This is not the only site for Jediism, but I found if very interesting.

Anyway. I guess I did find the good Jedi, but as far as I can tell they don’t have any supernatural powers. Apparently, only the Dark Jedi get the cool powers. BOOO!

Either way I will still stay vigilant in my search for good Jedi with supernatural abilities.

Until next time, “May the Force be with you.”

I have been meaning to write about this since it first popped into my mind. However, for some reason it finds a way to slip from my mind or delve into my deepest subconscious where I do not have access to it. I am going to go with the subconscious route. It sounds cool and it leads into the next part.

So the thought sits in stews in my cerebrum, biding its time to make itself known again. Today of all days the thought finally came to me in all its splendor as I arrived home.

The weather has been sporadic at best as of late. There have been a lot of rainy days sprinkled with days of sun. As a result there is a ridiculous amount of pollen and dust floating around, which is playing havoc with my nose. I have a slight case of allergies and in weather like this my nose is like a volcano—lots of eruptions and heavy flows of clear snot. Yep it is gross.

Ironically enough this is when that amazing thought in all its splendor decides to come to me. What is one of the first things that happens after I sneeze? Well, I have to blow my nose. This is a normal human function. I grab a tissue and using my hands clamp it firmly across my nose, inhale deeply, and then let it rip. SUCCESS! The snot finds its way to the tissue, which I make into a wad and promptly throw away (sometimes I view my handy work before the toss). The day is won.

I would like to say that the snot evacuation always goes that well, but on occasion it takes a turn for the worse. It is during these trying times that I remember what I wanted to write about. So here it is.

“Don’t blow your nose with your mouth open!”

I have had this happen so many times it is disturbing. I can only surmise that I get caught up in the heat of the moment. Stumbling across the room to grab that small soft square of delight. Fumbling with the tissue in hand awaiting the relief after I have cleared my stuffy nose. Then BAM, a tasty treat has entered my mouth. So salty and disgusting. I never understood those kids that feasted on their own nose gold. The taste is not appealing at all. Maybe if it was like Turkish delight…yeah maybe.

Oops! Sorry for the tangent. Back to the story. My immediate reaction each time is to spit out the crusty flake. If your nose is runny, well I will just say that is a real treat and leave it at that. In any event the experience is unpleasant.

I can only hope, that next time I will remember to inhale and then firmly seal my lips before exhaling through my nose. I also hope that this is a good word of warning. Don’t follow my footsteps. Avoid a tasty treat at all costs.

And…

Don’t blow your nose with your mouth open! EVER!