The Worm

Posted on March 3, 2011 by blksquirrel

This post is under “Walks with My Dog,” but I must admit the walk was more like a brief sojourn. Each night, Isaac is brought outside to relieve his amazingly large bladder before bed. We like to make sure he is comfortable and not doing the pee-pee dance in the wee hours of the morning. Yeah, I know it sounds like a contradiction, but it is not. On regular walks he paints the world with his pee. It is amazing! I swear three fourths of his body is a bladder.

Anyone seen “Marry Poppins?” Well it is like that. Instead of a purse that holds anything and everything, it is a bladder that holds a ridiculous amount of pee. Also, Isaac’s singing voice pails in comparison to Julie Andrew’s melodic voice.

I digress though. So we walk outside so he can do his business. It has been raining recently so the ground is inundated with water and all life forms that live in the earth naturally make their way to the surface and onto the sidewalk. The usual suspects are snails, slugs, and worms. Actually, near our place the worms are a little lacking. It is like the snail and slug mafias have taken over and worms are not aloud.

Anyways. The lack of squiggly worm bodies was not lost on Isaac. The minute we were out in the cool night air he was on the small noodle like things (this is how I think Isaac may perceive the world). The worm in Isaac’s eyes was irregular, different, and fighting for his life like a rabid mongoose. The worm’s thrashings were so violent that he actually jumped up about a foot. By the way Isaac cocked his head to the side and had his ears pointed up, you could tell that he had encountered a very foreign object.

Ironically, that did not deter him from inspecting the worm again and as before, jumping into the air about a foot as the worm fought for his or her tiny life.

From my point of view, this was the most amazing spectacle. See, I love my dog and almost anything he does makes me laugh. This night though, I laughed aloud outside. If my neighbors chose to do so they could have observed me laughing as my dog went to the bathroom Awkward, but funny.

Well, I guess… I just wanted to say I saw my dog jump when he went to sniff a thrashing worm. And then I laughed again when he did it again. And yes I laughed a third time when he sniffed the worm yet again.

It is the really small and insignificant things that make life good.

So, I hope your dog sniffs a thrashing worm fighting for it tiny little life and that you save the worm and place in an area that is free of birds (my neighborhood is infested with crows).

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Crazy Eyes

Posted on February 28, 2011 by blksquirrel

I finally returned to Costco today after a long reprieve. My wife had renewed her membership about a week ago and in doing so added me on to it was well. Before today I was excited to return to the store that allows you to buy 2 gallons of mayonnaise. Actually it is not the mayonnaise that draws me there. I actually really dislike mayo. BLEH!

What my eyes are really drawn to are the produce, the meat (beef, chicken, pork, and fish), and the beverages (soda, juice, wine, beer, and hard alcohol). Oops! I forgot to mention the gas prices are pretty awesome. Yes, all grocery stores have these items, but they are not in bulk and at a reasonable price.

So my wife and I arrived at Costco at about 11 o’clock today. Before we entered the store we enjoyed a very affordable Costco lunch. Unfortunately, when I say enjoyed I really meant endured. I had got what looked like a fried burrito and my wife got the standard hotdog combo, which included a soda. My fried burrito was pretty gnarly. It was a fried shell of bread stuffed with meat and cheese. In some areas the bread had become one with cheese causing cheesy meat leaks. I did try to give the burrito the benefit of the doubt. I ate a good portion of it, before I could do no more. My wife was not really enjoying her hotdog either. I think the highlight of the meal was the Pepsi. Thank God for carbonation. Those tiny bubbles can make almost any taste in your mouth disappear.

Once we were done we grabbed an oversized shopping cart and entered the store. My wife flashed her Costco Card and I pointed to her and mouthed, “I am with her.” Once we were past the Costco gate guards our struggle began.

I guess I forgot how difficult it was to navigate the boat Costco calls a shopping cart through the masses. Gone are the days when people where courteous. People were all over the place with their carts. All I could think was, “if this is how they drive a shopping cart, how do they drive when behind the wheel of a car?” As we dived deeper into the store the crowds just intensified. I had to resort to the way I drive in the city just to get anywhere. In short I became an “A” hole. I cut people off, tapped my ring against the cart when people would not move, and I bullied my way across crowded isles. I had the crazy eyes and anyone that looked into them knew they better move or get hit with a cart. Granted it was all a bluff with the crazy eyes. We had food in the cart and I did not want it to get damaged by someone rolling over it with his or her body.

After we had our fill of the store we battled our way to the cashiers and waited in the ridiculously long line. Fortunately, the line moved quickly and we where out of the store and in the fresh open air. We were free to move about and not be hindered. Oh, happy day! On our way back to our card I declared “Costco is the only acceptable place to run your cart into someone else’s on purpose and not feel guilty.”

Remember, to survive at Costco you must put the crazy eyes on.

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